I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
