there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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