2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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