I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
