i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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