grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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