i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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