i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
