We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
