i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
