I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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