My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The Olympian is in my bed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize