i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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