last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
