I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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