Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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