He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
