i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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