That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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