Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
