the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
