I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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