I heard we made out
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
