i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
