id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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