I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
