32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
