I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
