i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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