question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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