just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
