he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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