There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
