You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
