I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
