I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
