Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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