I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
