The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
