she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
