the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
