Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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