After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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