I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
