I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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