so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize