Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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