Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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