i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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