Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
