I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
