If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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