my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
