so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
