Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize