I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize