My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
