you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
