he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
