why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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