I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
