I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
