this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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