what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
