Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have aggressive nipples.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize