The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Someone shit on the floor
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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