dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
