I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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