She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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