How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
