So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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