my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
