My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
