Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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