put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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