My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
